By Michelle Ramaker
My name is Michelle, and I celebrate recovery from same-sex attraction through the power of the Holy Spirit. I am a happily married mother of four and a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. I grew up in a loving Christian home and was taught right from wrong. I knew what I believed and why.
Even with that solid foundation, it didn’t take long in a school with a secular worldview before my own worldview started shifting in ways that were unknown to me consciously. Spending eight hours a day in an environment that pushes acceptance and “open minds” sent ripples through my young, spiritually immature biblical worldview. I knew that on Sundays when the subject was spoken of there was not enough explanation or real teaching. The verses used to teach on it (when taught) showed Christ’s contempt for the act. Then, Monday through Friday in hallways and classrooms, students are told this is how some people are and that we must love and accept them.
At 15-years-old, I realized I was beginning to struggle with same-sex attraction. The only person in whom I felt comfortable confiding was one of my teachers, and I will never forget how that conversation went. She told me that I was normal and perfect just the way I was. She knew I came from a Christian home, and she explained, “If your parents find out and overreact, just hang in there. Eventually, they will have to accept it.” I was confused by this. I knew I didn’t wake up one morning and decide to ruin my life and hurt my family. I also knew the Bible was very clear on this topic.
There were three basic questions I needed answers to in order to find freedom:
- Was I born this way?
- Am I really choosing this?
- Can I be a born again Christian and battle with this temptation?
Those questions hung over me like a fog. I wasn’t able to turn it over to God until I felt I had an answer. I would like to share with you the answers God revealed after ten years of battling same-sex attraction.
Was I born this way, and am I really choosing this attraction? Yes and no. Now, before alarm bells start going off, let me explain. From the beginning, God created male and female, and he designed them to complement each other in a perfect way. They are uniquely different in so many ways and yet uniquely necessary for the survival and success of humanity. His plan is that one man and one woman would be attracted to and married to each other for a lifetime. People are not born gay. However, as a result of the fall of mankind into sin, every kind of abnormality has been introduced into the human race. God did not create human beings to have cancer, but this disease is now very common due to the degeneration of the human race. Many people are born genetically predisposed to cancer. This is not God’s original plan, but it is the result of the curse of sin that permeates the human race. Was I born this way? All of us are born with areas of greater weakness and temptation as a result of sin. Many men have struggled with the temptation to lust after women who are not their wives. Were they born this way? As a result of sin, yes. Did God create them to be adulterers? Absolutely not. Will God wink at their sin or even bless their sin just because they are strongly tempted to give into it? Not at all! We never say, “Well, dad’s tempted to cheat on mom so he ought to just give in and do it. That’s the only way he can be true to himself.” No, we reject sin, and we experience God’s help to overcome. We embrace the truth of God, and the truth sets us free.
Many people have been born with the temptation of same-sex attraction. Some men are born more effeminate, and some woman are born more masculine. Others seem perfectly normal on this scale, but for whatever reason struggle with this. Unfortunately, the false teaching children receive today, from the church and the world, often leaves these children and young people in a no man’s land. Kids often do not understand why they are having same-sex attractions. If the church tells them they are messed up or weird, they start to fear the church. If the world tells them they are gay and should embrace that lifestyle or they can’t be “who they really are,” they become totally confused.
We must stand strong on the Word of God. The homosexual lifestyle is sinful and thus not productive, even destructive. However, we must compassionately listen and minister to those who are struggling and help them understand that even though they may not have consciously chosen to have same-sex attractions, they must consciously choose to reject acting on them.
Lastly, can a born-again believer struggle with this temptation? Yes. Sinful desires do not only affect non-believers. Jesus himself was tempted in the desert. However, it is clearly stated in the Bible that homosexuality is not God’s plan for us.
We as evangelical Christians have bought into Satan’s lies that once you have this attraction, there is no hope. But God’s power can absolutely bring freedom from those chains. We believe addicts can find freedom at the cross. We believe adulterers can find freedom at the cross. We believe that gossips can find freedom at the cross. Why do we not believe homosexuals can find freedom at the cross? I am living, breathing proof that no matter how far someone may have sunk into a homosexual lifestyle, God can take you by the hand and pull you out.
America, and in particular Christians in America, are losing the battle against homosexuality. We don’t feel comfortable addressing the sin with love, so we just choose to ignore it and hope we don’t have to address it. God loves all of us no matter what our sins may include. Satan has brilliantly infiltrated our way of thinking and dealing with this particular sin. The only way to change the church’s view on homosexuality is one Christ follower at a time.
After seeing the damage that a secular worldview can inflict on a young believer, my husband and I have chosen to sacrifice and send our children to a school that teaches a biblical worldview. I want to ensure that my children are receiving the same teaching when they are away from me as when they are at home. If we do not teach our children to follow Christ, the world will teach them not to.
Michelle Ramaker and her husband are small business owners at Smith Mountain Lake in Moneta, VA. They are on the leadership team for Celebrate Recovery at Eastlake Community Church. Michelle is the Vice President of BNI SML Business Connection. She says her most important role is being the mother to four incredibly beautiful children.
This article originally appeared in The Renewanation Review® magazine. All Rights Reserved. Reprinted here by permission of Renewanation. For more information regarding Renewanation, visit renewanation.org.